Man breaks silence about sexual abuse after 50 years

November 01, 2024

Living in silence for almost five decades, a 61-year-old man, who was sexually abused as a child, has opened up about his ordeal in the hopes that his story will be an inspiration to others who are on a journey of healing from their painful past.

During a tear-jerking interview with THE WEEKEND STAR, John* took a painful jog down memory lane. He said that after his mother migrated he was sent to live with an aunt, her husband and their children.

"From mi come live with mi aunt it was just work, work work. Mi go school Monday to Thursday and on Friday she send me go bush with her husband," he said.

John, who was about 12, felt a part of the family, but everything changed one afternoon.

"One day him ask mi if mi ever grind yet, and dem time deh I didn't even know it means sex. I ask what him mean and him tell mi and den ask mi to pull down mi zip to see if my ting bigger than his. Him never wait for me to answer. Him pull it down himself and start play with mi bottom. Mi start cry and him stop," John recalled.

John said he told one of his cousins what transpired, but when she told his aunt, he was accused of lying. To compound his misery, he was brutally beaten by his guardians.

"I remembered being tied to a tree and he used a piece of hibiscus switch and beat mi mercilessly. All this time my aunt was there instructing him where to hit me. All a mi swell up when mi done," he said.

He recalled being given extra chores as additional punishment. The sexual abuse continued and worsened, but out of fear, John said he did not tell anyone. For the next four or more years, John said he was repeatedly molested by his uncle.

John said some persons became suspicious about the abuse but no one did anything to help rescue him.

"I was just branded as the boy who him uncle a f***. One day, one of her woman friend come to the yard -- I was about 15 at that time -- and mi auntie draw down mi clothes and expose mi bottom show her friend and say 'Look inna him b****, a bare c**** mark.' Mi did so shame, and up to dis day when mi think about it, mi skin crawl," the senior citizen said.

John said his torment and torture continued until he was close to 17 years old when he ran away and returned to the district where he was born.

"I am doing better and I have a good job now. I have a wife, but I don't want any children as I don't want them to endure what I did by anyone. There were days when I felt like I was in a prison. I never got counselling, but I felt better when I heard that both my aunt and her husband died. For years, I hated my mother because I thought that if she didn't throw mi to her family dem, this wouldn't happen," he said.

Consultant psychiatrist Dr Geoffrey Walcott said it is never too late for victims of adverse childhood experiences to seek and receive help.

"That is something that society has to deal with. Education and sensitisation is just two of the things that it start with. It's about creating safe spaces where men are able to actually share their experiences. Most of the studies have found that adverse childhood experiences, the impact on the person's life goes way beyond childhood and young adult life. It's not just emotional and psychological, but it can have physical manifestation as well as psychiatric," he said.

In the meantime, John is urging persons who have been abused to seek help.

"Do not sit down and never call yourself a victim," he said. "I have done that and I have tried to kill myself multiple times out of shame. It is hard to talk about, but men are raped too. Don't sit down and feel sorry for yourself. Speak out. I wish I had someone to tell mi this earlier," he said.

* Name changed to protect identity.

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